The issue of childlessness in marriages is nothing new.

It is a condition that has existed for as long as the human race has been around. In times past, the mere idea of being childless or barren was terrible how much more when lived through. In many cultures, a couple who did not have children were thought to be under a curse or were looked at as abnormal. For couples like this, shame was their ever-present companion. Gone are those days, today, more and more couples are choosing to go childless, not because they are not capable of having children, but because they feel the benefits of not having children far outweighs the benefits of having children. In addition to choosing to remain childless, there are other ranging factors that may contribute to making a couple struggle with childlesness. Such as when a spouse is hardly around and travels a lot, a big age difference between spouses which may or may not affect the sexual prowess of the older partner, and couples not spending enough time together which leads to having less sex in the marriage. 

Today, we have a big example of Dolly Parton, a well-known celebrity who has been married for more than 50 years and remains childless until this day. She and her husband had expected to have children when they first got married, but unforeseen circumstances led to her inability to have children, but instead of being sad and miserable, the couple has found ways to enjoy and relish in the freedom and success that has come because of their childlessness. But that is not the case for many people who wish to have children but for some reason or another are unable to conceive.

Children in marriage are seen as the fruits derived from the labor of love between a man and a woman. But when these fruits are not visible, people begin to ask questions and the couple in question have to explain why they choose not to have children or cry out for help about their struggle with childlessness. 

One thing we can be certain of is that childlessness when encountered by couples who are desperate to have children or if one of the partners wants children and the other does not have the same desire to have children, this can certainly be a breeding ground for severe stress and conflict in a marriage. Then, when you have high levels of stress and conflict, it further complicates the ability of the couple to be successful in conceiving. At this time, it will be good to look deeper into why some marriages struggle and a couple may find it difficult to get pregnant. 

A major factor as to why a couple may not be on the same page regarding the decision to have children or not can be the issue of a big age difference between the couple. A big age difference of more than ten years between couples can be a good thing if the couples have the same goals, but if they do not, this can spell trouble. For instance, if the older partner is desperate to have children because they feel age is not on their side, and the younger partner does not seem to be in a hurry to have children but would rather choose to focus on other things such as furthering of their education or career or would just rather prefer to enjoy their childlessness before they proceed with the daunting task of having and raising children. Another issue that can arise from a big age difference is unequal sex drive. Many times, what seems to happen is that the older partner sometimes cannot keep up with the sex drive and appetite of the younger partner. Thankfully there are medications that can be taken to help with a low sexual drive for both men and women alike.  

If a couple have decided that they want children, and are faced with the issue of childlessness, then they must make more planned and timely effort in the attempt to conceive children. But this effort can be tampered with if one of the partners needs to travel all the time for either work or business, leaving the other partner to sit and worry about when they will finally meet again to continue the business of trying to conceive.

One other way to dampen the effort of having children for sure is when couples do not take time to get busy in their bedroom. Instead, they find time for everything else, but not for themselves. Then there is no way conception is going to happen if couples lead a sexless marriage. When couples do not take the time to have sex, it could signal more underlying issues in the marriage, such as a lack of mutual loving, sexual feelings, excitement, and romantic emotions. Except for the case of ill health, making babies will certainly not be at the forefront of the minds of the couple. Having regular sex is not only good for making babies, but it also helps couples effectively deal with stress, as sex is a powerful de-stressor. Sex also helps couples to reconnect on a much deeper level than other physical ways would allow. Sex, believe it or not, can help increase the love, emotions, and intimate feelings a couple may have for each other. When a couple goes for too long without sex it certainly takes away the pleasure and enjoyment that married couples are supposed to enjoy together. 

The issue of childlessness can be a thing of choice, more especially now in our modern world as more and more couples are opting not to have children, but for others, being childless can be a very stressful situation, where many couples try to alleviate it using different means such as IVF, surrogacy, etc. If the couples are not completely aligned in the quest to have children, it can cause friction in the marriage. Some ways in which this alignment between couples can be seen includes a big difference in age between the couples, the constant travel of one of the partners, the lack of good quality sex which not only aids in the strengthening of the marriage relationship but also ensures success in making babies. Through all the challenges that can be endured in a marriage relationship while dealing with childlessness, one thing that couples must bear in mind is the necessity and willingness to compromise for the total good of the relationship and for the ultimate goal of having children together. 


Angelina de Jesus Solomon ©️2020

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